When it comes to raising children, our society is very hard on women. No matter what choices a woman makes about child rearing — whether it is to stay home and raise children full time or to combine work and family — it seems there’s someone out there willing to pass judgment on her decision.
But we often let fathers off the hook when it comes to giving family priority. In many circles, for instance, it’s still considered acceptable for a man who works during the day to miss dinner with his family regularly in the name of being a good provider. Or to leave most responsibilities that have to do with the kids to their mother.
But a recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology raises serious questions about the effects of fathers who are so caught up in work that they’re essentially phantoms at home. The major finding of the study, which covered 173 girls and their families, is that young women who had a positive family relationship in their first five years — especially with their fathers — entered puberty later, according to Kathleen Parker, the journalist who covered the story for Tribune Media Services. The researchers discovered that girls who reached puberty later had fathers who were active caregivers and had positive relationships with the mothers. Those who reached physical maturity earlier tended to come from homes where Dad was scarce or absent altogether.
Why? The researchers concluded that the emotional atmosphere in a home affects girls’ biological clocks. They theorize that girls who are exposed to a father’s pheromones — powerful hormonal messengers — postpone puberty, possibly as a biological shield against incest.
Granted, this is just one study. And there are certainly other biological factors — diet, genetics, toxins in the environment — that may be contributing to the nationwide wave of young women reaching puberty early. But to my mind, this research is a powerful incentive for fathers to make sure they make the extra effort to get home by dinner time. I don’t know of any men who relish the thought of their precious daughters, at age 13 or so, climbing in to the back seat of a car with a groping pre-adolescent boy, to try to fill the craving for male affection.
As children become teenagers, they often act as if they couldn’t care less if Dad is around. Not wanting to be intrusive, some parents back off, immersing themselves in pursuits like freelance projects to pay for future college bills.
Those are good intentions. But if your daughter’s self esteem drops because she enters sexual relationships with immature boys before she can really handle the heartache that comes with such dalliances, all of the money in the world and the right college education won’t help her. It really does make a difference if dad’s around.